National Nurses United

Dame Cicely Saunders 9/1/06 IN HER OWN WORDS 2:55 PM Page 14 "I once asked a man who knew he was dying what he needed above all in those who were caring for him. He said,'For someone to look as if they are trying to understand me.' I know it is impossible to understand fully another person, but I never forgot that he did not ask for success but only that someone should care enough to try." "The suffering of the dying is 'total pain' with physical, emotional, spiritual, and social elements." On hearing that she was described as having love and steel in her eyes, Dame Cicely Saunders said,"Love and steel, how kind, anyone doing hospice work will need plenty of both." Among numerous awards and honors, Saunders became, in 1997, the first person in more than 100 years to receive an honorary doctorate of medicine from the Archbishop of Canterbury. She was appointed OBE (Order of the British Empire) in 1965 and DBE (Dame of the British Empire) in 1980. Fittingly, a memorial service was held for Saunders on March 23, 2006 at Westminster Abbey in London, a tribute normally reserved for the monarchy and other establishment figures. The Abbey was crowded with nurses who had worked alongside or been trained and touched by Saunders. Many tributes were given to Saunders that day and in the following days by the British media. None could have been more fitting for her life than her own words, used many times by her to comfort patients in her care: "You matter because you are you, and you matter to the last moment of your life. We will do all we can not only to help you die peacefully but also to live until you die." ■ Gerard Brogan is a registered nurse and a freelance writer based in Cambridge, England. The Gift of Grief On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, 224 pages, $16.50 P sychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first came to prominence in 1968 when she published her book On Death and Dying. Groundbreaking and controversial at the time, it spawned many other works on the subject and helped bring a formerly taboo subject into the public arena. Thirty-six years later, she was still writing on the subject, now with coauthor David Kessler, and wrote On Grief and Grieving as she herself was dying. The book is separated into four sections: the five stages of grief; the inner world of grief; the outer world of grief; and specific circumstances. Each section deals comprehensively with its topic in an accessible way, dealing with the emotional, spiritual, and practical aspects of loss and grief. This is not a "how to" book on grieving; rather, it draws on many people's experiences to illustrate the whole gamut of reactions to the death of loved ones or news of a 14 REGISTERED NURSE terminal illness. It certainly succeeds in giving readers room to think about their own reactions and emotions to death and dying in a non-judgmental and empathic way. Unlike a lot of self-help books, this work does not promise any easy answers to ease the pain involved in grieving a loved one. Neither do the authors promise total closure on the grief process, only an understanding that it is an inevitable universal experience. These underlying principles guide the book and allow the reader to relate to others who have undergone bereavement. The book also works as an intimate portrayal of Kübler-Ross' own nine-year "anticipatory grieving" following a stroke that left her partly paralyzed on her left side. She grieves her own impending death honestly and thoroughly. Hers was a rich and varied life, her energies spent on nurturing others, both by means of her written works and her personal relations with many dying people. Perhaps like many nurses, Kübler-Ross was aware that she had "nurtured others all my life, but rarely let myself be nurtured." During the course of writing the book, KüblerRoss is able at last to receive the nurturing W W W. C A L N U R S E S . O R G she so richly deserved and, like of all us, needed. Her journey is a moving and inspiring one. Kübler-Ross also mourns the depersonalization of medicine, complaining that decisions are now not made at the bedside but rather in an office by someone who has never seen the patient. Those of us who have been bereaved may find themselves agreeing with coauthor David Kesslers' comments on why we should not avoid the grieving process: "We think we want to avoid the grief, but really it is the pain of the loss we want to avoid. Grief is the healing process that ultimately brings us comfort in our pain." Reading about grief and death may seem morbid to some but as Kübler-Ross states: "We plan for most things in life. We plan weeks ahead for birthdays, months for vacations, over a year for weddings, decades for retirement, but death, perhaps the biggest trip of our life, usually catches us unawares." Readers of this book may find themselves better prepared for the inevitable loss of a loved one, and those who have already had that experience may find some comfort and insight in its pages. Nurses would do well to read this book for themselves and recommend it to patients and their loved ones too. —gerard brogan, rn SEPTEMBER 2006

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